Broken Heart.....

Recently my heart has been broken.

I have been under tremendous stress, finding a place to live that is affordable, budgeting myself, and in and out of doctors, and losing my best friend.

It is expensive to go to the doctor. This month alone I have spent close to $500 trying to figure out whats wrong with me, and doctor after doctor runs tests and sends me to someone else. It becomes very frustrating, aggravating and most of all scary. But the last one is the hardest to admit to your friends and family. You want to be strong, you want to be brave, you want to leave out pertinent information because you don't want them to worry or be just as scared as you are.

The hardest part about not knowing what is wrong and being scared is knowing the one person you would normally be able to tell everything to, spill your heart to, and know would comfort you. Is the one person you can't talk to. It makes you feel so very alone, it causes a pit to form in your stomach and a huge hole in your heart.

And the worst part is the people who do know act like its no big deal. They tell you things like "it just takes time" or "every day will get easier" But the truth is, all of that is a lie. No matter how much time you give it, each day is worse than the day before, the pit gets bigger and the hole gets deeper. It just makes you numb to the pain, and very alone.

So you start trying to find things in your life that make you happy. Getting a new place, the holidays, a vacation, anything and everything that used to make you happy, for some reason makes you more sad. Because it turns out that all of those things were wrapped up in that one person who brought you so much joy in life. It hurts to dream, because you are forced to cut that person out of your dreams, out of your hopes, out of your future, out of your life. You plan your whole future, life and dreams with one person, and all of a sudden your told you can't do that anymore, you can't have that anymore....it sucks!

It doesn't get easier, it doesn't get better, it just continuously hurts day after day..... but you fake the smile, you fake the laugh, you fake the cordials, because what are you going to do? break down everyday all day...no you can't do that remember your supposed to be strong, your supposed to be brave...your supposed to be the fun, free spirited, joyful person who makes people laugh....but all the while your dying inside.


Be Be Your Love

The fight...

Everday we fight something....whether it be a fight with a boyfriend /girlfriend, a friend, your parents, your teachers, your bank, your boss, your coworker. Those are all just petty fights, but none the less apart of our lives.

This month marks Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and many people out there today are fighting the fight of Breast Cancer, and other forms of cancer as well. This fight is all so real to me. My mother fought and survived skin cancer. But more recently I have seen a lot of people fighting for a lot of different reasons... So My question is this..... What are we fighting for? And is it worth fighting for?

Relationships can be tricky, you can fall in and out of love, and all the while still trying to catch a breathe and see what is real versus what is fictitious. But should relationships be that hard? Should you have to fight for that relationship to last? I mean seriously how many of us actually fight to keep friendships and relationships alive, or do we rely on the other person to call us, text us, email us, fight for us? Recently I have seen a lot of loved ones endure this fight....

My Aunt and Uncle who are both bravely fighting on a daily basis to conquer cancer, my aunt has pancreatic cancer and m uncle has cancer of the bladder. As I see them, and their struggle. I see so much, I see two people who have had a world of hurt in their lives, losing two of the children to tragic accidents. And now both being diagnosed with cancer. What can this mean for them? And on top of all of the sadness, and hurt and anger, I see love, I see two people who are willing to fight til the very end for their lives and for each other. That to me is true love...

I have a friend who is also in a world of hurt and pain, but not due to an illness but an unhappy marriage. How do you help your friend fight for her marriage? What if they just don't want to fight but instead give up? Should a marriage be that hard where you have to fight to keep the spark alive?

And then today...I was recently reminded how precious life and the gift of life can be. The miracle of having a child, and what a gift that child can be to your life and your families life no matter what the circumstances may be. Its amazing how many times I have seen a child save a family, save a woman, save a marriage. But today as I was told the sad news of a loved one passing a way, and what that person meant to so many. I was reminded of all of the dear loved ones in my life who have also passed away. When I think of them I smile, and sometimes laugh when remembering things about them. They will always be missed, but when I think of them, I don't see quitters in any of them, but all of them were fighters. They fought for their families, they fought for their marriages, they fought for their friends, country, wives, husbands, sisters and brothers. So when I think of the ones that can't be with us today, I can't help but think of how we should all try to be a little more like them each day and not want to so easily give up, and quit, but be a fighter. Whatever it may be in your life that you are struggling with, FIGHT! Don't give in, Don't give up, Don't fall down, it may be a long journey, and a hard path, but be a fighter, your life is worth fighting for, that friendship is worth fighting for, your marriage, your children, your job....its all worth fighting for!!!!

Fighter

Snuggies Sexy?

I was recently making yet another trip to one of my favorite stores 'HEB'. As I am rummaging through the store, like the hungry girl I was, I couldn't help but do a double take on what I saw standing on its own shelf in the middle of the aisle. No, it wasn't delicious cookies, or fresh baked bread. Nor was it food related at all. But low and behold my least favorite item......the dreadful, hideous SNUGGIE!

You see months ago, when I saw the infomercial I laughed 'oh how funny', people can't actually like this thing, just another infomercial. But then I got a frightening e-mail a month later of one of my beloved authors wearing one of these things. As a girl in the fashion world, I pride myself in helping the ones I love look stylish, trendy and cute, as well as dressing age appropriate and never falling for stupid fads that will fade with the times. So as you can imagine to see my favorite author in this, I was appalled! I wanted to call her and have a reality check with her, let her know that someone with her beauty and talent and cuteness should NEVER wear this, let alone take a photo of it.

But then the worst news of all, as I wa reviewing designers fashion shows for the season. I came across something that was terrifying. A SNUGGIE FASHION SHOW!..... yes I said it. Really, people its bad enough to have this thing on the market, and people actually buy it and look like an idiot, but to give it its own fashion show?!? What's next a 'sham wow' designer bottle? Its $19.99 and you want me to pay $999.99 for a designer snuggie!?! You have to got to be out of your mind.....

Take a look for yourself....

The snuggie fashion show

Now it is one thing to make this horrendous item , for people to buy and wear in their own home, when no one is around, an item that they hide and deny that they ever bought. It is another thing to think it is fashionable, create its own fashion show, and sexy? REALLY! you have got to be freakin' kidding me, and a snoggie?!? for a dog, I can barely get a collar on my dog never the less a blanket that attacks his whole head, body and legs?!?..... enough is enough.....snuggie out!!

The one shoulder dress...

I hope you all watched the Emmy's this past weekend, and saw the gloriousness of the one shoulder prevail! So many celebs stepped out in true fashion, as they walked the red carpet in a gorgeous one shoulder masterpiece. Now if only people ever listened to me!!!

(As you can see in the photos, you see many beautiful celebs in their fabulous one shoulder, and just 2 weeks prior me in my one shoulder masterpiece, that I exclusively designed with a team of artists! And surprise I was the only one in the entire pageant to wear a one shoulder! People should really listen to my fashion advice I have so much to offer. ha )

Statuesque, to say the least. The one shoulder presents something to a woman that not many other styles of gowns can do. It makes the woman look lean and tall, it hugs her body giving her a figure that she may have lost in basic sweetheart neckline, that we can all face is flattering (to the chest) but not to the entire body. it does not elongate a woman like the fashion forward, ultra sleek one shoulder.

So in this season of gorgeous gowns and fashion, step away from traditional and ordinary and show off your body!

Last Minute Decisions...

Do you ever find yourself making last minute decisions? or last minute plans? This seems to be the case for my life. I always find myself becoming so wrapped up in the thing I am doing at the moment that I forget to slow down and realize what day, month, time or year it is until the very last second, and then I'm freaked out. "What do you mean my bill was due on the 19th and its the 25th", as I plead with Neiman Marcus to not charge me the late fee, that I so desperately can not afford!

Well today I find myself in the same predicament once again, that I like to call "Lamnesia",

Lamnesia is the forgetfullness of an individual who should be, and is, smart enough to get things done in a timely, orderly and thoughtful manner, yet fails to do so on a regular basis.

But the real issue I face is whether or not I actually forgot, or I knew in the back of my head and just pushed it back until the last second. You know like studying for a test, doing your homework for school, returning the clothes that don't fit that you really want to fit, and buying a gift for someones birthday.

So today as I rush and pull some strings to get into the thing that I probably should have gotten into weeks ago, (which I finally got in, Yea!) I find myself a little overwhelmed and suffering deeply from lamnesia. However, I have probably have 5 pounds to lose and a million things ot do before.....Saturday... yes I said it SATURDAY, that means 3 days to starve myself, run myself raggad and work my fingers to the bone.....all because I well, made a last minute decision...

The New Move...

There comes a time in life when you have to become independent. You have graduated from college, you have a great job, great friends and your making enough to support yourself. However, there is one thing missing...you have yet to find the perfect place to live! You struggle with the dilemma, where do you want to live, do you want a roommate, how much can you afford, is it safe, is it nice, is it close to your favorite stores?!?..... Well this is has been my dilemma for far too long now. So I am here to tell you I am taking the plunge I am officially setting myself free and becoming the independent, 'big girl' I so desperately need to become and yet dread at the very moment... Starting today I am moving into the city, starting a great new job and blogging about every minute of this new step in a young woman's life....

Scratch by Kendall Payne